Anonymous

This has ended almost 2 years ago and I never have gotten over it. I was in school at the time and did something bad to a friend. They told their friends about it and they eventually informed me of it. I didn't react in the best way and my friends told the

people who would go on to bully me for the next 7 months. Ever since then I had been feeling ashamed of what I did. I hated myself for it. I started to have urges to harm myself. I was already having suicidal thoughts at this point. The teachers were nice about it but weren't that helpful. She eventually ended the friendship. I couldn't pluck up the courage to sit with someone else. The gossip had spread through the school and I just thought there was no point because I thought if anyone else found out about it, they would hate me. So it was between me, the teachers, and the other people who knew. As time went on I developed a lot of shame for what I did as well as for many other things I've done in the past, because of the reaction that I experienced when I did something truly upsetting. I've had to have quite a bit of counselling. I still am working through the shame and it's getting easier. I'm not going to say it gets better - because way too many people have said that. It's not true. But I will say that there are people who are like you, who look like you, who have done things like you have. You just have to believe that they exist somewhere and try to find them. If you've messed up, it's really the response that counts. The movie Schindler's List is a great example. You perceive yourself to be what you tell yourself to be. Ultimately, if you tell yourself you're a failure, you'll believe it. Sometimes it's about putting things into perspective, not letting one event or thing about yourself take your confidence away.