Arjun Gupta

In February, 2017, I decided to go public about my two year long struggle with clinical depression. I shared a Facebook post on my timeline to tell the whole world about all the problems I had had. It was a scary step for me but as I have I have insisted over and over again, I was in a very desperate situation wherein I needed to do something big in order to get some help. Sharing my problems with everyone was more of a last measure for me.

In case you need some context, in 2015, I cleared AIPMT-UG with an AIR of 579 in my first attempt. It is a test that students have to give to get an admission in medical schools. It is also one of the toughest exams in India. Every year about 1.3 million students appear for this exam and I stood in the top 0.05% of them. I was glad that I had managed to do something I had been working for, for over two years but this was also the time when my problems started. Slowly, I started having negative thoughts and I couldn’t control them. I started isolating myself and couldn’t attend classes either. By November, 2015, I was locked in my home with no motivation to do anything and suicidal thoughts running amok in my mind. I thought I needed a change of colleges so I started studying for NEET, 2016. I obtained a rank of 931 AIR but unfortunately that didn’t work as a solution for me.

Once you realize you are in the clutches of this disease, the next step is to seek remediation for it. Of course, the real first step would be to accept that you have a disease; something which took me a long time. Treatments include therapy, medicine and in extreme cases Electro-Convulsive Therapy. Something I had gone under but unfortunately, did not have any great positive effect on me. Nothing seemed to work for me and that made me utterly hopeless about my situation. I couldn’t control my thoughts irrespective of whether they were of self-harm or suicide. I harmed myself a lot and attempted suicide multiple times as well.

When I shared my post, I was scared, but I also knew that I had no other way left now. The support I got from my surrounding people was amazing and immense in its own sense. I can never thank them enough for the love they showered on me and helped me get on a road to recovery. I have also always thanked Zack Snyder for the amazing characters he presented to me in Batman vs Superman and Man of Steel. They may not be the most popular movies, but for me they were something to live by. Henry Cavill’s Superman has been an inspirational figure for me and that is what I wish to be for people around the world suffering from the same problems as me as well.

Today, I have friends, I talk, I laugh, crack jokes, although most of them are bad but I still crack them without thinking much. I am slowly getting back into being a functioning part of the society with each passing day. I write a blog as well (www.knightofsteel.com) , have a couple of pugs and in short am in a much better shape. Now I wish to inspire people, make them see the best parts of themselves. I wish to help people looking for it and increasing awareness about mental health. I recently published a book by the name “A-Z of Mental Health” which is available across the globe and have started my YouTube channel as well (www.youtube.com/c/knightofsteel) . I am trying really hard to bring a positive change to this world and bring hope to the people who need it.